Baby Selfie

Tuesday, September 08, 2015

#GreatGrape!

Today, Chris and I went for our second of three ultrasounds with our fertility doctor prior to ‘graduating’ to our OBGYN.

Baby G’s heartbeat is 182 beat strong per minute and measures 1” in length or the size of a Grape!!

Both Chris and I are overwhelmed with joy and anxiety at the same time; he gets so nervous just before our appointments and then cries tears of joy when we hear that rapid little heartbeat. I think it is finally becoming real for both of us and I have now become even more of an addict on Pinterest. Of course my nursery board is private since we are keeping the sex of the baby quite for a few more weeks but it has been fun to design and plan for our little one on the way.

I am actually headed back east to spend some time with my family and to attend my God-son, Henry’s 1^st birthday party next week and my sisters are going to take me to Babies R’Us to start me on a registry. Again…overwhelmed but so grateful for my family and friends that have stuck by this moody bitch (aka, me) throughout this whole process.

Above I have pasted a couple of pictures. The first one is from babycenter.com and it depicts a cartoon rendering of what Baby G looks like. The second is a picture from today’s ultrasound and we think it kinda looks like Mickey Mouse. Which by the way is hilarious b/c Chris loves Disney and I well…tolerate it.

Love to all,

Amanda, Chris & Baby Mickey?

 

My Face Hurts from Smiling

Thursday, August 27, 2015

#HolyHeartbeat

Big smiles all around folks! Chris and I had our first ultrasound with Baby G tucked safely away inutero. We were both very nervous leading up to Tuesday which marked 6 weeks and 6 days pregnant.

Now I know you must be thinking…6 weeks 6 days?? Didn’t you just implant on the 28^th of July? How can you be 6 weeks and 6 days pregnant? Well…let me explain the wacky science behind this.

1^st: the day  you implant is not technically you first day of pregnancy according to doctors. In a natural pregnancy, the last day of your period is considered to be day 1. Yes this is strange but what it means is that the female body has started to build up a new lining in her uterus and is preparing for a baby to implant itself.

So for me that day would be July 14^th; however Baby G was already a 5 day old embryo making the conception date or first day of pregnancy the 9^th of July. So fast forward to August 25^th and we are 6 weeks and 5 days…yes I said 5.

However…when Baby G was measured, we were given a ‘gestational’ age of 6 weeks and 6 days! It’s all voo doo to me J

So back to the nervousness…I have not been feeling pregnant…no nausea, no sore breasts, morning sickness, constant urination…a bit of wicked heartburn and a few food cravings (Italian Food) but nothing else. The day before our appointment I got so worked up that I sat in the bathroom and cried for 30 minutes straight saying the word please over and over and over again. Begging God to let us have this little miracle and carry a healthy Baby G to term.

Well we made it to Tuesday and Chris met me at the fertility clinic and HOLY HEARTBEAT! Baby G is doing very well and Baby G’s heart beat is strong and is the most musical thing I have ever heard. Both Chris and I had tears of joy streaming down our faces. I am in love with that heartbeat, totally in love!!

In other news, we also just returned from Chris’s annual visit to the Mayo Clinic for his 3-day testing event that keeps him on the transplant list as a waiting recipient for a Kidney. The good news is that he gets to remain on the list the not so good news is that he is not a candidate for a pancreas. All this time 1,154 days we assumed that he was going to get both a Kidney and a pancreas…not the case, you have to be a type 1 diabetic to qualify for that organ.

The other small hiccup is now that my other mother in law Kathy is moving back to Oregon we no longer have a support network and a place to stay post-transplant for the required 6 weeks. So we are currently looking into other options including Mayo’s transplant house which is first come first serve and neighboring hotels, particularly the Marriott that is located on the Mayo Clinic campus in Scottsdale. Both will require a pretty hefty financial commitment so I am considering starting a 501C3 to raise money on Chris’s behalf for the cost of lodging and a caretaker. We are also reaching out to family and friends who may want to donate a week or two of their time to act as a full time caretaker. More to come on that topic.

May you all have a blessed day and keep us all in your prayers.

XOXO,

Amanda, Chris & Baby G

Breaking News

Friday, August 07, 2015

#PT-day

Well if you have been waiting for an update today is the day!

Chris and I started our next round of IVF back in the beginning of May. I made it through the shots, pills, ultra-sounds etc….my saving grace this time around was Dr. Sharon Roth my acupuncturist. Sharon, the sweetest, funniest 5’1” Jewish acupuncturist made the symptoms and complications of IVF bearable. *I mention that she is Jewish b/c you don’t typically have a non-Asian that practices this wonderful eastern technique. She swears like a sailor, she makes me laugh when I need it most and I like to think we are kindred spirits. J

Because I have PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) my ovaries are good little producers of low quality eggs L this time around I produced 20 eggs and yes I hyperstimulated once again. The eggs came out alright but as a result of the hyperstim I formed a hemorrhagic cyst around my left ovary which was threatening to choke the ovary itself. Two days after retrieval I found myself in the emergency room once again in the middle of the night and facing emergency surgery to remove the cyst.

Side note…when admitted to the ER and waiting in my curtained off cubby for the nurse to put in my IV another women was admitted right next to me. Thirty minutes later the doctor came to tell her why she had been experiencing major back pain and vomiting….she was pregnant!!! She sat there and cried, not happy tears but sad tears. She wasn’t planning on a pregnancy at her age and single status in her life. I sat there and cried too; I hadn’t planned on being childless at this age and married status in my life. Every part of me wanted to scream at her but I just sat there and balled. Chris held my hand and stroked my hair; what else could be done?

Okay back to my eggies! Thirteen of my eggs fertilized and six lived to day five, testing day. Two of the six came back genetically normal which beats the odds game if you are playing. J I only expected one of the six to come back normal!! Horrah!!

So….now we let my body rest. A month goes by and I start taking my FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) drugs J on 7/1/15. The transfer date was tentatively scheduled for July 31^st but my body is ready early and we transfer on the 28^th! Chris and I decided to only transfer one of the two embryos just in case I don’t carry to term.

The morning of the 28^th I woke up early, went to acupuncture and then off to the fertility clinic. Sadly, Chris’s boss would not allow him any time off for the day so I went to the clinic solo. We had a successful thaw of our 3AB embryo and I was off back to the acupuncturist. For the next five days I stayed home and watched TV, read books, talked on the phone with my sisters…I did my best to remain stress free. I went in on the 31^st for my first hormone check and then back again on the 4^th of August. Today I went in for my pregnancy test.

For those of you that may not remember it’s a blood test and they are looking for positive levels of HSG between 5 and 439. You may recall when we had the twins implanted last time my day ten HSG levels were 176.

Well this morning the alarm went off at 5:00am and I jumped out of bed, I took a shower and got dress and ready to head off to the fertility clinic. I had my blood drawn at 7:30am (the earliest they open the doors J ) and then I waited. And waited. And waited. And then the nerves set in. I finally gave up around 12noon and logged into the online patient portal fearing the worst. Nothing posted yet….okay so now I am obsessively refreshing the page. I refuse to call. I don’t want bad news over the phone.

Chris texts me, how did it go??

Me:  I am still waiting sweetheart.  

Chris texts again, well?? 

Nothing.

 

Chris calls me: I answer, honey I told you I haven’t heard yet!!!!!  

Chris: I have.  

Me: WHAT???? What, what, what tell me!! 

Chris: You’re pregnant!!!  

Me: Really????!!!!! 

Chris: Your HSG level is 281.  

Me: Hot Damn!!!  

Okay so back to the newly pregnant stage. I am on antibiotics and steroids. Please oh please let this be the ticket! Let baby G stick around till April and be born healthy and happy!  

Please keep us in your prayers. J  

Forever grateful,  

Amanda, Chris & Baby G

Attack of the Natural Born Killer Cells

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

#revivinghope

Natural Killer Cells...it sounds like the film title of a B  sci-fi / horror movie that might air at 2:00am on a Tuesday. Now normally a movie like this would be my guilty pleasure but since I might be filling the starring role it doesn’t sound so thrilling.

Last week after I met with my fertility doctor to discuss and schedule our final IVF attempt I reached out to the acupuncturist they referred me to. I finally decided to call her today and we had a very enlightening and productive conversation.

I explained that I wanted to seek treatment for recurrent pregnancy loss as I struggle through the next round of the Hell Olympics (IVF). She asked me if my doctor had tested me for elevated levels of ‘Natural Killer Cells’….dun dun dun. What in the world is a NKC I asked. NKC which occur normally in the body can cause a condition where in the body mistakenly attacks the embryo / fetus as if it were an invader. It can lead to poor blood flow, lack of nutrition and interference with implantation and early miscarriage. Another way to look at it is the NKC looks at the embryo as a foreign body like it were a cancer or life threatening disease and attacks.

Treatment options:

-          Low doses of IVIg (whatever that is, thank you internet for not explaining) two weeks before anticipated transfer continued through week 12 or week 30.

-          And in some cases and intralipid infusion(s). Which will constitute a ½ day at the clinic hooked up to an intravenous line.

I will clarify by saying that I have not been tested but I have reached out to my doctor requesting the uterine biopsy to test for the NKC.

Meanwhile the good news is that the acupuncturist (EMG or eastern medicine guru) can treat the side effects of the hell Olympics so maybe this time it won’t be so bad J. I will be going in for my first treatment next week on May 6^th and I look forward to meeting the EMG face to face. We really clicked over the phone so I am hopeful that this is the right path for me. Who knows maybe I will be able to get Chris to see her too for his Kidney failure.

On another topic altogether…this past weekend my co-workers and I spent the day volunteering at the Hearts Alive Village Las Vegas a local 501c3 dedicated to rescuing animals and placing them with suffers and survivors of domestic abuse and veterans. If you have time to read their bio it is well worth it. Between our engineers, front office staff and vendors we were able to revamp their newly leased retail space and turn it into a dog and cat adoption center. When I got home on Saturday I called my parents to relay the day’s events and as I was recounting our efforts it put into perspective my life. I am so grateful for the opportunity to give back and to help change lives. I am so grateful that I have a job and insurance that will pay for a portion of IVF. Not every woman has that luxury. Some couples have to save and wait for years to make IVF a reality.

A vendor and newly formed friend of mine and I were talking about this today and she reminded me of the story of the boy and the starfish. If you are not familiar with the story it goes like this: One day after a storm had passed through a local beach community a boy was seen walking on the beach picking up starfish and tossing them back into the ocean. A man came by and said to the boy there are thousands of starfish stranded on the sand you can’t possibly save them all, you can’t possibly make a difference. The boy lifted up the starfish he was holding and said, it makes a difference to this one.

We all have the opportunity to help create positive change in the world. If we just step outside of ourselves for a moment we can be the change we want to see in the world (Gandhi).

http://www.havlv.com/press--media.html

Staying positive and thankful for all of your prayers.

Amanda & Chris

Long Overdue Update

Dear followers: 

I have been waiting to post these entries because some of you are family and we were waiting to share our baby news. 

Below you will find my posts over the last eight weeks or so...I finally mustered the courage to publish these posts.

I must warn you that it is a rocky read. 

As always your love, prayers and support are needed and welcomed. 

Amanda & Chris 

Tuesday, April 7th, 2015

#datenight  

Back to normal....but not really. Trying to fake it; we are going to meet up for date night dinner. It is the perfect forum to talk about the next cycle. 

Chris and I have to decide when to start our final round of IVF. Right now we have about 1/2 the money we need saved. The first round cost us $16K (with insurance). The second round was a little better b/c we were on different meds, $10K. 

Our doctor is going to see what meds she can donate to us vs us purchasing them outright. Oh please oh please. 

But the big question remains...what will make this time any different? How are we going to defeat the problem labeled 'recurrent pregnancy loss'? 

Well the good doc feels that a preventative antibiotic and a steroid will solve the problem. It seems that my body wants to reject the 'foreign bodies'  that are my embryos. Well that is a huge freakin problem if you ask me.

We are hesitant of course. But we have to put our faith in God. 

We are hoping for a June start. In the meantime I will be having another thirty birthday...I think this one is my 6th anniversary of 30 :-)...pushing me further into the 'high risk' pregnancy bracket. Oh Joy. 

Monday, April 6^th, 2015

#backtowork

I needed to get my mind off my heartache so I went back to work today. My assistant is so sweet! She put a sign on my desk that says Let’s hope it’s not one of those weeks when I have to unleash the flying monkeys…Because I WILL.

She left me a note saying I should put it on my door whenever I needed some quite time. :-)  She knows me too well. 


Sunday, April 5th, 2015  

#EasterSunday, #Givebacktofeelbetter

Yesterday my parents and I made Easter baskets for the foster kids next door. The Old Lady that lives in the Shoe is my next door neighbor. She is 72 yrs old and has 6 foster kids under the age of 6! 

Crazy, right? 

So we went to Target and pretty much bought out all of their Easter stuff plus a few other goodies. Jump ropes, balls, paddels, stickers, etc. 

After Sunrise Mass at St. John's we snuck next door to deliver the Easter Bunny's surprise. We were caught. One of the little girls came running out to thank us and asks Chris if he is the Easter Bunny; my heart melted. He said yes and she replied with: Can I give you a huh? Tears! 

Chris later told me that he wished he could have taken her home with us. 

We are going to try one more round of IVF; if it doesn't work we are going to apply to become foster parents. If it does work we will still apply but only when our little one(s) hit the 2 yr mark. We both have always wanted a big family but we met too late in life to make it a true reality. God willing we will see our dream come true one day. God willing. It is in your hands Lord. We trust and have faith that whatever comes our way is a part of your divine plan. 

Saturday, April 4^th, 2015

#coco's

My parents took me to my follow up with the fertility doctor yesterday. From the minute that I walked into the clinic until the second that I left I cried. I checked in, crying. Went for my blood draw, sobbing. Had my ultrasound, still sobbing. I half felt bad for losing it in front of the happy/hopeful patients in the waiting room but then I thought, I just don’t care, let them see me cry.  I took a little joy in the fact that my 65 year old parents were sitting in the waiting room looking like hopeful fertility patients to be…hee hee. I wonder what the other patients were thinking. LOL

We went to my dad's favorite restaurant afterwards...Coco's :-$ yum... (but really yuck)

Friday, April 3^rd, 2015

It is with heavy heart that I post today. We lost the babies early Thursday morning. I woke up at midnight with painful cramping and heavy bleeding. We went to the ER. Chris rushed to wake my parents and the four of us drove to the hospital. L They three of them only left my side when I was taken back for my ultrasound. They were great, loving and supportive. Even though they were heartbroken they stayed strong for me which was just what I needed. My mom held my hair while I puked and puked. My dad held my hand and Chris sat by my side.

Why? Why? Why? I keep asking myself why. If I just knew why maybe it wouldn’t hurt so bad.

My mom has always been clairvoyant, she has dreamt about most major disasters the night before they have happened. It’s weird and freaky but true. She told me today that when Chris came to wake her up last night she was having a dream. She dreamt about two little angel babies, a boy and a girl. They floated above her and told her to tell their mom not to be sad; they are in heaven together. They were holding hands and smiling. I cried for an hour. I have tears streaming down my face as I write this.

I told Chris that I wanted to name the babies but he feels it’s too weird or maybe just too hard. So I am going to call them my angel babies instead.

Wednesday, April 1^st, 2015

I ended up staying home to rest today; last night when we got home I had a fever of 102. This does not bode well….we called the afterhours hotline for the fertility clinic and they said to take Tylenol every four hours and use ice packs on my neck, lower back and extremities. I also was instructed to drink 40 ounces of liquid in 30 minutes. Try doing that and not barfing. Well I did it. And now I am resting. I am so glad that my mom is here to take care of me.  :-)

Tuesday, March 31^st, 2015

#finally

Today is finally here and I feel like crap! I am sitting at work feeling very chilled :-(  bummer. I have really bad morning sickness and my office is freezing. G-2 Orange Gatorade and saltines is about all I can keep down today. My poor day porter had to come and change my trash can liner out b/c I didn’t make it to the bathroom. My pregnancy nose is in full bloom! One of my co-workers is driving me mad! He smells like cherry cigarettes, motor oil and wintergreen….ugh….It’s all worth it though.

Saturday, March 28^th, 2015

#redcoats 

The British are coming the British are coming!!

Okay the redcoats are not coming but my parents are! Mom and dad (mine) are coming for a five day visit over ‘spring break’. My mom, granny nanny extraordinaire will have a week long break from babysitting while my sister is on spring break from the Howard County school system and it is perfect timing. We will get to announce that we are pregnant with TWINS!

The plan is as follows: they fly into McCarran airport on Tuesday the 31^st, they will rent a car and drive to the Hoover Dam. After they finish up their tour they will meet us for dinner at Town Square. We will make a slight detour to the Welcome to Las Vegas sign to take a touristy picture. We will snap photos of them first and then line up to take our picture. I spent an hour today making two poster board signs that say: Vegas & Babies?? We will hold them up just as they are snapping the picture.

I can’t wait to see their faces!!! 

Wednesday, March 25^th, 2015

#grapes&cake

The cravings have begun! The hubby got a call on Friday night while he was at dialysis…I wanted grapes and cake! He lovingly obliged. 

Thursday, March 19^th, 2015

Levels are rising! 760!!! Ultrasound is scheduled for our birthday’s. If you don’t already know this about us…the hub’s and I have the same birthday. J We are a lucky seven years apart to the day!

Tuesday, March 17^th , 2015

#HCG

My levels are 186! Awesome, I am officially pregnant! My readers won’t know this for a while though because all my posts back from February until now have gone unlisted! I don’t want to announce too soon J I will retest in two days to make sure my levels are doubling every 48 hours. I can’t wait to tell you all!!!!

Monday, March 16^th

#tomorrow, tomorrow

I can’t wait for tomorrow. They tell you not to take a pregnancy test at home; don’t cheat! Well I don’t’ have to cheat! I am having morning sickness already! We are ready for some good news and happiness. These last couple of weeks have been really tough. We really miss Dan and it is taking its toll. 

Monday, March 9^th, 2015

#backhome

Chris’s brothers Matt and Michael came down to LV from Oregon last week Wednesday. Matt drove with his wife Tonya and daughter Savanna 17 hours without stopping and Michael flew in on Virgin America from Portland. We all drove down to Phoenix together to be with Kathy and their step brother Robert. On the way down we found out that Kathy had planned and scheduled the funeral for Saturday the 7^th. I guess it is best to get these things over with quickly so closure can begin.

Most of the family and close friends were in attendance. Cousin Tracy gave a heartfelt eulogy and we all cried…a lot.

Dad served our country in Vietnam and dutifully fulfilled 23 years of service in the US Airforce. Dad served another 20 years in the Salem Sheriff’s office and lived a full and rich life. He died too young at age 66. He would have been married to Kathy for 25 years at the end of this month. #heartbreaking

Tuesday, March 3^rd, 2015

#sadnews

I got a call at work today from the hubs. I answered the phone and I could tell that he had been crying. He said something has happened; I immediately thought that he had wrecked the camero. No such luck…my father in-law passed away today. A sudden heart attack. They had just got back from their 2 week cruise/vacation to Tahiti on Friday…how could this happen. Dad and Kathy were at the base commissary shopping after their long trip. When they got home and started to unload the groceries he dropped to the floor and died. My sadness knows no boundaries. I am overwhelmed with grief; I am crying for my husband for his step mother Kathy and for our family.

Dan has had a pacemaker and defibrillator for many years now. He was supposed to have it replaced late last year but put it off until after the Tahiti trip. Our only solace is that he got to spend his last few months on this earth doing the things he loved the most. He took his grandchildren to Hawaii for Thanksgiving, he spent Christmas with family and took an amazing trip to the last place on his bucket list. I am saddened to know that he will never hold our children in his arms, he won’t be there to teach them how to tell an F-16 from a C-130. My heart aches today.

Saturday, February 28^th, 2015

#overthemoon

Excited! Can’t stop smiling. Chris held my hand the entire time and we didn’t stop staring into each other’s eyes. A miracle is happening today, a freaking miracle. Modern science and medicine are hard at work.

Now it is time for a little ‘princess time’; I get to do absolutely nothing for three whole days!!!

Friday, February 27^th, 2015

Tomorrow is the day! Good luck little embryos; thaw carefully. If all goes well we will find out on St. Patty’s day that we are preggo!

Wednesday, February 18^th, 2015

The doc took me off the provera; it is making me too sick. I am going straight to the shots and another oral medication; it is time to get the uterus ready! If all goes well we will implant on the 28^th of February.

Next on the docket: blood tests and ultrasounds every two days.

Monday, February 16^th, 2015

#Blessed

Chris and I just got back from our quick trip back east for my nephew’s baptism. My sister asked me to be lil’ H’s Godmother…an awesome responsibility for sure. It was nice to see both of my sisters, their husbands and little ones but it was bitter sweet. Everytime I hold a baby or play with my toddler nephew Sam my heart aches for one of my own. The clock is ticking louder than ever and I can’t help thinking, when will it be our turn? But I have to push all of the internal noise aside and just enjoy the moment; enjoy being an Auntie.

As for the period…well it was still MIA as of the 14^th so I started the provera for ten days. Side note: Provera makes me very sick, puking sick, heartburn sick, dizzy sick. Barf. Funny story of the trip…Sunday night back at the Westin in Rockville, I am sitting around reading and unwinding before bed and I start to feel sick. The hubs is in the bathroom…well going the bathroom. I sudden wave of nausea comes over me and I panic. Let me in, let me in, let me in I shout at the poor unsuspecting husband. Hurry, hurry, hurry, I pant. Well I end up using the trashcan while he scrambles to put himself together and flush. My heaving is so violent I start to pee myself! Oh lort!! The toilet is slow to flush! The hubs takes off the tank cover and attempts to add water to the tank with the ice bucket. The porcelain toilet tank cracks in half (we are never showing our faces back at that Westin again)! After all of the fuss I pass out for the night and wake up feeling like a hung over 22 yr old. Ouch. Where are my sunglasses?