The 1 Hour Pregnancy

Friday, January 9, 2015

Google News Headline today:

Woman Learns She's Pregnant, Gives Birth To 10-Pound Baby 1 Hour Later

#Bullshit

So Chris and I met with our Fertility Doctor (FD) yesterday to discuss my ‘biochemical miscarriage’ and our next steps. I had come prepared: A) Not to cry and B) Armed with a long list of questions and What If scenarios / questions.

The end result, I feel more discouraged than ever, foolish for beginning this process with an optimistic outlook and ANGRY at our doctor for giving me what I am now labeling as false sense of hope.

So that was inflammatory but it is how I feel.

When we first met with our FD she made it seem like this was going to be a piece of cake. I was still young(ish) and my ovaries were good little producers of good quality eggs and although Chris’s sperm was not ideal we were the perfect candidate for IVF! She would make all of our family dreams come true!

Well, after our appointment yesterday and my peppering of questions the newly formed opinion is that we were lucky to have made 4 relatively healthy embryos and that our Doctor was actually ‘surprised’ that we got that many! My how the story and her optimism had changed; I was shocked and beside myself. I felt like if she was on a bicycle right then she would have backpedaled all the way to Kansas.

‘Considering your polycystic syndrome / egg quality and your husband’s sperm you are very lucky. WTF??

So what is the next step(s)?  

1.       I asked for an updated blood work panel to be completed since we had not done a full work up in over a year.

2.       I need to get rid of my chest cold; according to the Doc my cold could have contributed to the miscarriage. Well, no shit! When I got the cold I called in a panic asking what do I do? What can I take? I was told not to worry, take some OTC cough syrup (brand recommended) and cough drops that do not contain alcohol. Come to find out my mid grade fever of 101.4 could have caused me to miscarry! Again, WTF??

3.      I am going to give myself some time to mentally prepare for this next cycle / battle. I need to be in a better frame of mind. In my doctors words, I need to have that ‘light in my eyes again’. Well how the F is that going to happen when I have lost faith in this process. If I truly did nothing wrong to cause this ‘bio-chemical’ miscarriage then why do we think this is going to work this time? **Doing the same thing and expecting different results is the very f-ing definition of insanity.

We only have enough frozen embryos for one more attempt. After that we either opt for another round of egg production and extraction (aka, The Hell Olympics) or we choose to implant a donor embryo.

 Chris and I are taking the next few days to think about this option and then we will discuss what each of us wants to do. There is no guarantee that the donor embryo will take…maybe I just have a ‘hostile uterus’.